Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
