it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
