You work out of a Hotel?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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