How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
