She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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