The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
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Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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