he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
