i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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