Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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