i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
