The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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