Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I checked into jail on foursquare
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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