I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
