Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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