I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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