Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
