I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
