My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
