happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
