i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
