so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
