I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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