I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
