Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
3 2 1 whiskey
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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