Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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