I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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