if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
