i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
