she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
