I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
babies were throwing up all over the place
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
