can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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