I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
