next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
