i just made my gag reflex go away.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
