I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
