Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
