dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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