i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
