Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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