your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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