fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
