Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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