My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
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My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
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So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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