Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
