then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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