I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
