yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
