got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
