like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
zippers are such a cool invention
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
