We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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