i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
