Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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