around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
