she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
