i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His nipple licking is glorious
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