Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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