So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
