That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
