Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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