i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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