I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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