We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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