one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
