How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
