I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
