I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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