my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
