I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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