ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
