I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
