I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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