I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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