dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
