I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
