I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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