My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
