You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
