dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
