heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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