Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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