O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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